Who is This Person?

In the last two weeks I have put together a grant proposal, sent letters to Senators, a Governor and a President, and tried to write in this blog.  Tonight I worked on the Planning Board reworking a water/sewer ordinance. I spent a lot of time hoping that people in the future won't curse our names when they deal with it.   I spent some time zapping spam on a forum I moderate on and wrote my son and two other friends.  It's 9:00 at night and I haven't had supper yet.  

I have to stop and think about who I am.  I'm an old hippie.  I'm almost 57 years of age and I just got my first credit approval.  I work in a job that I love most of the time which is a lot more than most people can say!  I've got a big mouth and I'm abrasive.  I take care of a number of people in a number of different ways.  The people who love me love me.  Those who don't don't.  There is little I can do to change that.  It bothers me less and less as time goes on.  I try to keep the friendships of a lifetime vital and deepening.  They mean so much to me, more than most will ever know.  The new friendships I have developed are a surprise and a gift!  They keep me from becoming stagnant.  The younger ones keep me connected with the zinging energy flow I no longer possess but still love to watch.  The older ones make me feel connected with my generation.  They inspire me to delve deeper into my spirituality.

I have little spare time but I have less pain than I've had in years.  I feel I need to make up for lost time!  I try to be outside every day and I try to be more gentle than I've been in the past.  Mostly I try to be me, not to be defensive or arrogant and in hiding but to be open.  I'm not always successful but I'm trying.

I have moved from living on the edge for most of my life into the stability such as it is that is available to me.  Right now, this day, this week is good, so good because it is peaceful and calm.  This person that I have become is not always comfortable to me.  The struggles of "becoming" continue but I have hopes that before I die, for however short or long a time, I will be complete.